JOW 020611-Jokes Ofthe Week

Three cricket fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.

They stopped and discovered a nude…

Three cricket fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.

They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Sri Lankan team’s fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Indian fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.

Following their lead, the Pakistani fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection.

First, he lifted up the Sri Lankan cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes.

Next, he lifted the Indian cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Pakistani cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

The Pakistani fan was getting upset and finally asked “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking..???”

“Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Pakistani hat… I find an asshole.. This time there is a ‘REAL CUNT’..!!!”

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John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ” Here’s to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!” 

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of
the night.”

 

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”  John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life,  sitting in church beside me wife.” 

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street
corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, ”  John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.   You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years.   Once he fell asleep……and the other time…..
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

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An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the Black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the Penis to 24 inches.  

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African String-and-weight procedure?” The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?”

“Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied

“Wow, you mean it’s grown to 12 inches?”

“No, it’s turned black.”

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The resident magician on cruise liner is constantly having his tricks undermined and ruined by the ships parrot. Each time he performs a trick the parrot squawks. “It’s in his pocket.” “Four of clubs.” “It’s got a false bottom”. The magician hates it. That night the ship sinks and magician and parrot cling to a piece of driftwood. For four days the parrot says nothing and just stares at him. On the fifth day the parrot says “Okay clever cunt I give up. Where’s the fucking ship?”
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This morning while looking for a clean shirt I found my wife’s secret diary. I was both delighted and aroused to read about her rough and dirty sexual fantasies, all involving anal. That was of course until I remembered she’s dyslexic and my best mate’s name is Alan.

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About SS-28

Appreciator of everything captured through a lens
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